Passing

When we blend into the society we live in, and others don’t know we are trans - we are passing. It’s a contentious subject, so let’s talk about.

When reduced to its core function, passing has historically been important for personal safety. Living visibility trans in societies that grapple with accepting, celebrating and honouring trans people can mean we are more likely to be treated poorly if we stand out.

Notwithstanding this, you don’t have to blend as a cis person in order to be the valid, real and wonderful gender you know yourself to be. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about being or looking trans, and being or looking cis isn’t the ideal standard for humanity.

Being read as cis is really complicated though and can depend on a number of factors, including financial ability and access to gender affirming medical care, genetic background, societal standards of beauty, who it is that is doing the reading and how you, as a trans person, weigh up what passing means to you. We might be different to cis people, but we are just as valid.

The concept of passing places a burden of unrealistic gendered beauty standards on trans people, a standard that many cis people neither meet themselves or expect other cis people to meet.

In reality, cis men and cis women often overlap in how they express their gender, for instance cis women wearing pants and sneakers, cis men donning nail polish and long hair, and it’s only when society is faced with trans people that it gets quite so picky in how we express, and represent, our gender.

This is different from your own desire to express yourself in ways that might be considered stereotypically gendered presentation - hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine. These are acceptable and wonderful ways of being in the world, as long as its your choice, and no one else is forcing you to ‘look more’ like your gender.

While it is completely understandable that for some trans and gender diverse people, being seen as cis is an important part of feeling valid, understood, and safe, you do not have to pass as cis to be trans, or to be a binary gender, and it is unfair to feel pressured by others or society to look or act a certain way just because of your gender.

You are, and already look like, your gender because that’s who you are, not because of how anyone else may or may not see you, or what they might expect of you.

Head to our Sex and Sexuality section for specific information on when to disclose during an intimate connection, this is essential information for all trans people but is particularly important to navigate for trans people who don’t look trans. Check out Rights & Justice to learn more about your rights, including the anti-discrimination protections our community has at a NSW and federal level.

The misconception of equating ease of life with “passing” must be dismantled in our culture. The work begins by each of us recognizing that cis people are not more valuable or legitimate and that trans people who blend as cis are not more valuable or legitimate. We must recognize, discuss, and dismantle this hierarchy that polices bodies and values certain ones over others. We must recognize that we all have different experiences of oppression and privilege, and I recognize that my ability to blend as cis is one conditional privilege that does not negate the fact that I experience the world as a trans woman (with my own fears, insecurities, and body-image issues) no matter how attractive people may think I am.

Janet Mock

For some non-binary people, they might be misgendered by others who assume they have an exclusively binary gender, when they do not, or trans women and trans men might be misgendered as the gender presumed for them at birth. It is important to differentiate this from passing, as it is explicitly not affirming, it is misgendering.

It can be frustrating for others to assume your gender, pronouns, and identity based on your appearance, but remember there is no one way to look non-binary, the same as there is no one way to look like a man or a woman.