Names

Our names are super important. They’re how we can refer to ourselves, what we’re known as by others, and are often the first piece of information you’ll learn about someone.

Most people are given a name when they’re born, and then carry it around with them for the rest of their lives, only changing it under very particular circumstances. Lots of people use a shortened version of their legal name though, or have an entirely unrelated nickname, all without making any legal changes. Changing and experimenting with different names isn’t only common, it’s normal.

Names can be tinkered with as much as we like, trying out new ones, seeing if they fit, changing them as we need, and as often as we like. You might use one name for your whole life, but experiment with nicknames, or use a different name every year, or pick a new name to mark a gender affirmation process. There’s no wrong way to do this.

There is also no legal reason to not use someone’s preferred name in social situations, including at school and work, and in fact using a name they don’t like is very rude. There are some requirements about legal names for institutions like banks, governments, and particular administration process at work and school, but not using your legal name day to day is not fraudulent or a form of lying.

Names are also not permanent, even if you change them legally, so they’re a great form of gender affirmation and experimentation at any age. If you decide that a new name isn’t for you later, then you can simply stop using it and use an old one or a different one instead.

If you want to legally change your name, you can find out more about it at our Changing Your Name page.

You don’t have to figure out a name that fits perfectly immediately, it’s okay to take some time figuring out what will work for you.

The way we choose a new name will also differ from person to person. Some people search for online lists of names that were popular around the time they were born, other people take inspiration from friends, family, heroes in fiction and non-fiction, or just from their imagination. There’s no wrong way to find a new name.

Try writing down some names you might want in a list or across a page, and see how they feel to write and look at. You might instantly find some of them just don’t feel right, or you might find yourself coming back to it later and something jumps out at you. It also might not, and that’s okay too - not having a strong feeling about a name doesn’t mean you don’t want it as much as anyone else.

If you’ve got some close friends you can talk to about it, ask them to use the new name you’re thinking of using to see how it feels. This could be online, or privately in person.

Some trans and gender diverse people feel uncomfortable or upset by their old name, including going so far as to call it their “deadname”.

Feeling negative about a name you used to be associated with is reasonable, as is not feeling strongly about it at all.

People change their first and last name all the time, for example when they get married. It may take those around you a short while to get it right but whatever relationship you have with your old name, it’s fair to want and expect people to use the name you’d prefer.

For some people, their old name or ‘‘deadname’’ actively contributes to dysphoria. This can be a difficult experience, especially if people around you aren’t using it. It’s okay to correct people for getting your name wrong, though that can get frustrating after a while. Having someone with you who can correct other people can be a great way of reducing some of that stress, and provides an opportunity to debrief and get some support afterwards.